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Just installed the blogger app. This is so cool. I suppose I'll be posting more often from now on.

Growing Up. Never.

I was in the third grade.

I remember seeing a commercial for Pokemon for the first time and my spirits flying through the roof. I had no idea what it was about, but I was intrigued by the sheer character designs and the cool looking protagonist. Every weekday at 3PM Pokemon would air on UPN and it was just as disappointing to know that I would miss it, because I usually came home from school at around 3.30. Being the freak I am, I asked my mom to record it for me on VHS everyday.

That was probably the turning point of my life in many ways. A lot of things came and went in my life, and I had even abandoned the Pokemon series after a few seasons. Yet, my love for the world of Pokemon was always lit - like the flame on a Charmander's tail.

The show and the games influenced me immensely, and Nintendo's nostalgia-driven marketing strategy is only adding more fuel to the fire after 20 years. I couldn't be more thankful that I was born in a time that allowed me to grow up with one of world's most lovable creations turned franchise turned phenomenon.

Thoughts

I can't decide what is making me write this post. It is either my ability to compromise and accept things the way they are, or the overwhelming joy of achieving something for myself. Whatever it is, 7 years past the age of 20, I realize that I have been quite prolific in small achievements in my life. I realize that I am just closer and closer to contentment each day, and for that I feel grateful. I've written songs, I've written poems, I've delved deep into a creative profession and have garnered a sense of humility after seeing the brilliant work of others around me. It is, perhaps, the life I had always wished for, but had not realized that I have. While many others dabble in fame or fortune, I have had the opportunity to explore my creative conscience.

Changing Homes | Sharing Spaces

Celestia 2

I'm blinded by the raging flames Lost in visions of time Mystery lies beyond celestial planes I hear her sudden cries There's no running now, I've come too far I've stored it all inside I've come to find myself at the gates Of truth and all your lies

The truth unfolds In retrospect And all that's left. This is letting go!

I'll fill the hollow realms that grew into me With never-ending skies I'll let my guidance be undying faith Relentless rays of light

The truth unfolds In retrospect And all that's left. This is letting go! Only look back If it moves you forward!

In my head

I feel restlessness for what has happened; A melancholy looming, making me question my life,  A selfish bout of thoughts in a frenzy,  in my head.  It's all in my head.  They've taken me hostage,  in my head.  I stalk the dead,  their facebook pages,  galleries of hope and positiveness - much like these carefree days -  both brought to a halt,  taken to their beds.  

              And I dare compare.  Even my past affairs.  Who I am, and what’s not there. Two years of not having cried,  now, this day, I realize,  all the hardness that hardened inside,  was all just in my head.  In my head  They've taken me hostage,   in my head.

Simply put

No one has ever explained it so simply.

what is the need for comparison?

she got everything she wanted.

She is still in chains, you're not.

She lives her mom's dreams

You live your own.

Maybe they aren't fully realized, but you're still your own person.

Doodles

in the midst of all deadlines these last few days, I have been procrastinating by doodling. I have this sudden urge to doodle and I'm somewhat worried that it may be a distraction for me at the moment, because I seem to go on for hours. But I am also worried about losing the urge.

I stopped drawing regularly towards the end of my A Levels mostly out of depression. That's when I became very irregular. My whole life has been centered around this one thing that I've had, and it has led me to do everything that I do now. There are dreams I want to fulfill that have solely to do with drawing. However,  I picked up bigger goals along the way and therefore I do worry that this sudden urge to draw all the time might just make me lose my focus on the opportunities at hand.

Doodling since yesterday.

started doodling from last night, and i don't know what's gotten into me, but i drew for hours today, as well. I still love to draw, but I realize I am not as good as I wanted to be at this age. So, I'll definitely be working on it, and hopefully I can finish that 15 page comic I planned to make, this year.

Premonition

I've been sick too often and I have a strange feeling it's not going to do much good in the near future. I will try to stop smoking from tomorrow onwards, at least for some time. But hypothetically speaking, if these were numbered days, what would I have learned from the 26 years that I have been blessed with? What would be my advice for a younger version of myself?

1. Never underestimate yourself. Never overestimate yourself. It's good to have doubts, but don't let your doubts act as obstacles.

2. Depression will lead you to believe you are worthless. As hard as it may sound, don't let it lead you on. There will always be people who are better than you, even the one you most love. It doesn't mean you have to put effort into trying to prove yourself to anyone.

3. Faith is as blind as love. It can turn you into an extremist, or it can guide you towards empathy depending on how you choose to let it affect you. Faith is better understood through mistakes. So...

4. Mistakes will help you become a better person. Making a mistake that you knew you might have made isn't a mistake. That's just stupidity. And you'll be stupid on a lot of occasions, which is not a good thing. Try to be least stupid.

5. Focus on what you really want after you turn 18. If you are unsure, get an education in something that you actually want to learn. Don't jump the bandwagon.

6. Mediocrity in work will always be apparent when exposed to minimal knowledge. You want to be an artist, then get to know a hundred other artists. Get to know how they work. Practice as much as you can. Learn through reading, and tutorials. This applies for whatever you want to do.

7. Not wanting to do something means you are lethargic. Forcing yourself to do it long enough means you will eventually form a habit of making that thing a part of your daily routine.. That goes for studies and work.

8. Fall in love. Fall hard. But never expect that it is what this life is about. Life is more than love, and you will know that in time. The moment you believe you can do anything in the name of love, is the moment you start to lose yourself. Losing yourself will only result in losing others.

9. If you must love a lot, never ever expect anything from anyone. You cannot change a person. Each one abides to their own understanding of life. If you must love a lot, never show or tell the person how vulnerable you are.

10. Love your family. Trust me, they're the only ones who will be there at the end of the day, and they're the only ones who you will be afraid to lose as you get older.

11. Bad times will pass provided you appreciate what you have and do everything to make the situation better. Patience will help. Anxiety, not so much.

12. Anger caused by ego will only make you do stupid things. Keep it inside until it subsides. Playing it smart means you act when the time is right.

13. Don't hit women. Women who lie and hurt you are not worth the time. Love 'em or hate 'em, it's best if you can leave 'em.

14. Stay politically updated.

15. Love yourself. Love everything about you. Don't hurt your body on purpose. Try not to smoke or drink or do drugs.

Thoughts

There's something wrong with me. It's almost as if I like being out of my comfort zone. I am afraid of being comfortable at this age. I had four job offers after finishing my studies, I didn't go for any of them. I fear monotony. I fear authority. I also fear competition. But most of all I fear the complacency that comes after achieving something small, for which reason, I can't stick to something for too long... Times are uncertain.

Odds

If the odds are against us, we'll be against them.

Revel On

Orfred - Jaflong

A very, horrible rough sketch of Jaflong, for Orfred.



Jaflong
by Orfred

vast skies, the clear road
there's a great divide
under the same stars

night time, she was gone
so we traveled on
to jaflong

borderside, bored of home
bored a hole
through my heart

parting always, leaves us face to face
to face our fates
parting always,leaves us side by side
to side with different ways

stood on a hill, looked beyond
the grass was green
where she stood strong

She left me hills for mountains
Must have thought I couldn't climb them
You can break the land
But the river won't stand between us
So we swam,
We boated
over the rocks
clearest of water from your mountaintops
Flooded my thoughtsl

We drank to the losses
We drank to the gains
Got high as fuck into the morning
We'd never be the same
If the bridges have already broken
Let broken remain
As long as this heart is alive
There will be
no
real
divide

I really like fireflies, too.

"I feel like i can't do anything but follow you

We've had short kisses. And when you pull away, its like when you catch a firefly and it just slips out your hands

Tiny drops of happiness

I really like fireflies"

- M.M. 

--------------

I want to yell these days. I miss yelling. I yelled all morning at mom for no reason. It wasn't the normal shouting and screaming that arises from being angry. It was just me wanting to use my voice. There's no North South to go to anymore. There's no office. There's a lot of work to be done, but working alone means procrastinating as much as I can. Lethargy has been a big weakness, but I'll admit I try to overcome it. I break away from the monotony sometimes. 

For example, I saw Star Wars today, and worked a little bit before I went. The excitement allowed me to work. Weird. I wasn't ready to take such a huge risk, but I must. I hope God's blessings are well upon me. 

Anyways, every time I see an amazing story being told on film, my old dreams of being a storyteller resurface. I was thinking about Edge today, and what a story it is. Everyone I have told the story to have been captivated by it. So I started writing. I don't have a lot of time to draw, but it would do justice if I at least wrote down my stories and gathered my thoughts. I started with The Book of Blunder. I have to finish it before I can even think of writing Edge.

Here are old drawings of characters I had planned for Edge.These were done back in 2007. 

2016

I was resolute in 2015 being my year of music. 2016 will be my year of discipline and hard work. May God-bless me the year ahead.

Peace and love and a happy new year to family, friends, and loved ones.