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There's so much pain and sadness that I am holding in. Often times, I stay awake at night knowing that there's more I'll have to face that I am completely not ready for.

The Frog by Changing Homes

Let us head towards the ravine Help me lead the cattle Father wolf and brother Today there will be battle The tiger is hungry, the tiger will feed Unfair play, It's us against one (for) no one dare take my pride when he sees us he will run Hear my father's call It echoes rock to rock Draw forth limping paws Awaken beast "Who calls?" you ask (it is) I and my torrent of black horned bulls We've chased you to your end To take your skin in full Hear my father's call It echoes rock to rock Draw forth traitor paws I've kept my word Now I hunt alone

Chester Bennington

In A' Levels, I had stumbled upon one of the most hardcore Linkin Park fans, and possibly the best rapper in the country, Mode Silver, or my good friend Tauqir Ahmed. He and I bonded over Linkin Park so much so that when A Thousand Suns came out, a couple years later when we were going to the same university, he practically came over to my house just to make me listen to the album in full. We turned the lights off, I sat in front of the PC with the lyrics out, and we listened to one amazing experience of an album. The album was heavily experimental, and thus, quite controversial. It didn't matter what anyone else said about the album. As long as Tauqir liked it, it was validation enough for me to love it.

Funnily enough, my favorite Linkin Park album was Minutes to Midnight, and Tauqir didn't approve of it all too well. I honestly thought it was their most mature, and personal work. And sure enough, a few years later, the album caught up to him. I would feed my depression by listening to the song "Leave Out All The Rest" on repeat. I still think it's one of the best songs ever written, by anyone. Period. But I am thankful to Tauqir for having given me his LP stash. He introduced me to songs lesser known to me, like My December.

A Thousand Suns was so influential, that Rakat and I, to this day, bring up "The Messenger" as a reference for what sort of song we want to make for Changing Homes, next. We still haven't achieved anything near or close to it. In fact, that whole album was a gateway for both of us to start experimenting with the, then, new project, Changing Homes. Linkin Park was as influential to us as the works of Steven Wilson, Aviv Geffen, Anathema, Opeth, Jesu, etc.

I sang "Waiting for the End" to the girl I loved and a couple of friends in an empty, under-construction auditorium in university.

Before Linkin Park, I listened to rap. After Linkin Park, I listened to Metal. In my early teens, Mike Shinoda was a rockstar and Chester Bennington was a misfit. In my late teens, their roles interchanged.

I wish I could say I was influenced by Chester's voice, but I wasn't. His voice was too "up there" to be influenced by it. He was the best singer of my generation, and I wanted to keep it that way. It was something, I assumed, I could never live up to, so I never bothered trying to sing like him. Well, that's partly a lie - my out of tune efforts to scream were always confined by the four walls in my room.
If it wasn't for Chester's voice, I don't think I would have loved Linkin Park as much as I do. I loved what he did on his solo effort, Dead by Sunrise. I loved his lyrics. I never asked who wrote them, whether it was Shinoda, or Chester. But I assumed they were Chester's words.

I don't cry when an artist dies. I mourn for a while, and miss them. I have never cried for a dead artist, until today.

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Abbu, I am so sorry. I love you.

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I think what hurts is when I see people who look up to you, and when their faces clearly read out how I wasn't worth you. Little do they see me for who I was in those days when I was with you. How can they ever know who I am, now?